So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
