He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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