Tell her she can't have a vagina
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
