I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
