hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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