i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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