hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
