I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
