woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
