I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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