the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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