85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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