We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
