I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
