I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
