Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
