What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
