I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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