I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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