you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
