youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
3pm strippers are depressing
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
