My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
