I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
