hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
