My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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