My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize