I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
