The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dick very happy bro
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
