im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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