But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
