i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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