i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
