$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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