I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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