You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
