I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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