I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i came on her dog
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just googled if crying burns calories
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
