I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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