So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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