I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
