i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
