Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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