his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
