A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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