didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
