Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
