Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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