so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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