You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
