i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
