Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
