I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
