Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
