saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
