I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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