Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
