The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
