why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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