forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
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