Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
