i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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