Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
