I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
