That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
