Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
