Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
