Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
