It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
