Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
