I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
