i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
