Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
