Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize