Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
