I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
