am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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