I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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