Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
