you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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