There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Your cock deserves a montage
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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