I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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