I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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